My brothers latest chilled house mix (http://soundcloud.com/will-jacques/delectable) is filling the garden with smooth beats. Maud, the one year old beagle is at my feet, sunning herself, whilst Harry, her 6 year old father, is chilling out in the shade. My brother Will and his wife Lucy, are putting the finishing touches to your roast and the sweet aroma is making my mouth water, probably even more so after my detox.
Now I start to get a little deep.
Yeah this is the life, an unexpected, unplanned, sundrenched Sunday afternoon with the family. Even had a catch up with Dad this morning, he gave me a poem he wrote 9 years ago. It’s a bit wierd because we didn’t really talk then, well not that we didn’t ‘really’, we just didn’t. He said writing it helped him get through me not being around, but he feels different now which is why I can read it. I think I’ll read it on the train home, it’s probably gonna be soo easy, but I’m not quite ready yet, so just in case.
Now for the enlightenment. Every day is a gift you know, even more so now. I don’t know why, but the older I get the appreciative I am. I’m just grateful to be here, for my family, my friends, my lovers, my mission.
Oh bugger, I’m gonna bear my soul with you guys for second if thats ok? So we had the funeral on Friday, for Nana. My uncle was there. I hadn’t seen him since mum died, 23 years ago and yet the funny thing was we clicked like it was just yesterday. He said something so beautiful to Will and I. He said how proud Mum would be of both of us. I love my life and love what I do so when I hear things like that, it makes it all the more worth it.
Aaaanyway.
So this bearing my soul thing. I don’t mean to do it this much, you’re also meant to be experiencing my funny side and how I’m lighter than life and all that bollox…when I say bollox I’m talking about bollox in the way that life can’t be constantly incredible, we have to have our struggles to know we’ve got our joy’s right?…that’s what I mean. Well you see I am, most of the time actually like that, an incredibly positive person, but sometimes I’m human, and it looks like right now is one of those times. Maybe it’s something to do with the planets, isn’t Saturn doing something weird right now, like moving? Oh I don’t know. I don’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable when you read this, that’s not why I’m doing it. Actually I don’t know why I’m doing it but it feels natural so if it’s ok with you, I’ll carry on. Not now but maybe another day. For now you can start to breathe again (phew)…
On a lighter note, I’ll leave you with this thought (if indeed you’ve got this far and if you have, then thanks for reading, I probably wouldn’t have if I were you but then I’m not so it’s fine).
If you always had the choice of spending your time doing something you love or something you hate, it would be a no-brainer wouldn’t it. So why do we so often in life choose to spend our thinking time, thinking about the worst that can happen, instead of about the best that can happen. If you knew that you couldn’t lose, would it then also be a no-brainer? I thought so. In which case you know what to do, and if you need a clue, it all starts with how you think. Ponder on that for a while.
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Welcome to 'emergise' and my blog, 'secret diary of a good girl'. Let me introduce myself, my name is Emma Fairclough and I am a good girl. I am a good girl with a twist.
