If Harry Potter’s so magical, why cant he cure his own eyesight and get laid. A teenage lad shouldnt need a broomstick to cling onto.
Frankie Boyle
A vasectomy means never having to say you’re sorry.
Anonymous
It’s a recession when your neighbour loses his job: it’s a depression when you lose yours.
Harry S. Truman
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush’, ‘Dick’, and ‘Colon’.
Chris Rock
Nobody believes the official spokesman, but everybody trusts an unidentified source.
Ron Nesen
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Noel Coward
All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others.
George Orwell
Have you noticed that all the people in favour of birth control are already born?
Benny Hill
The less people know about how sausages and laws are made, the better they’ll sleep at night.
Otto von Bismarck
A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body – the wishbone.
Robert Frost
A recent survey stated that the average person’s greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you’re telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.
Jerry Seinfield
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Soren Aabye Kierkegaard
Common looking people are the best in the world: that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.
Abraham Lincoln
The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius.
Oscar Wilde
Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.
George S. Patton
You can tell a lot about a fellow’s character by the way he eats jelly beans.
Ronald Reagan
Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
Benjamin Franklin
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach him how to fish and you get rid of him all weekend.
Zenna Schaffer
How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.
Steve Martin
Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Steven Wright
If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. There’s no use being a damn fool about it.
W.C. Fields
Some folks are wise and some otherwise.
Josh Billings
Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.
Jimi Hendrix
A candidate is someone who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.
Unknown
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Samuel Palmer
Whenever I’m caught between two evils, I take the one I’ve never tried.
Mae West
Welcome to 'emergise' and my blog, 'secret diary of a good girl'. Let me introduce myself, my name is Emma Fairclough and I am a good girl. I am a good girl with a twist.
